The Uruguayan Jordan handbook

Cebolla Gol
Cebolla Gol

Cristian Gabriel Rodriguez Barotti aka Cebolla (Onion) lived up to his nickname. He got his nickname during his Peñarol days for making the opposition cry. Cebolla recently turned 28 years old and is reaching the peak of his football career. Cristian is currently playing for Atletico Madrid and has come on as a sub on numerous occasions and has previously played in Portugal for Benfica and Porto.

During the last World Cup qualification campaign for 2010 Cebolla was involved in an incident in the final game against Argentina in Montevideo. When the game finished Cebolla and Argentine defender Gabriel Heinze were involved in an incident where it was alleged that Cebolla assaulted Gabriel and was suspended for 4 games. The four match suspension weighed heavily on not being selected for South Africa 2010. This would have been devastating for Cebolla who would have been an automatic selection for the World Cup.

You could feel and sense just what this game meant to Cebolla today,  his performance was outstanding and not only did he score the first goal but was instrumental in the midfield with powerful runs and a relentless attitude. Cebolla has waited 4 long years for this game and now Uruguay are just two games away from reaching the 2014 Brazil World Cup.

Golazo Cebolla
Golazo Cebolla

Uruguay have once again achieved the 5th position in the CONMEBOL World Cup qualification which means they go into a playoff against the fifth round winner of the AFC World Cup Qualification. Jordan beat Uzbekistan over two home and away legs on penalties 9-8 after the two 1-1 draws.

Jordan FA
Jordan FA

El Maestro has found the Uruguayan Jordan handbook with highly classified material. Jordan have never qualified for the World Cup, have appeared only twice in the Asian Cup reaching the quarter final stage. Jordan is two-time champion of the Pan-Arab Games, while hosting the West Asian Football Federation Championship and the Arab Nations Cup. Jordan are ranked 71 in the World with their highest ranking being 37 and their lowest ranking being 152.

Where's the Uruguayan Jordan handbook
Where’s the Uruguayan Jordan handbook

Jordan’s head coach is Hossam Hassan Hussein born in Cairo Egypt. The 47-year-old manager was a prolific goalscorer in his day and is Egypt’s all time scorer, scoring 68 goals in 176 appearances.

Talking about leading goal scorers, Uruguay also have their current leading goal scorer of all time still playing.  Luis Suarez is Uruguay’s all time leading goal scorer (39 Goals) and has also won the leading goal scorer of the 2014 CONMEBOL World Cup qualification (11 Goals). Luis Suarez edged out Lionel Messi by scoring a penalty today to put him 1 goal in front of Messi which is impressive considering Suarez was not always the penalty taker during the qualification rounds.

Suarez Leading goalscorer 2014 World Cup Qualification
Suarez Leading goalscorer 2014 World Cup Qualification

Congratulations to Argentina for winning the 2014 World Cup qualification tournament and qualifying to Brazil.

Congratulations to Colombia for reaching the World Cup Brazil after the frustration from the 2002 qualification where they ended up level on points with Uruguay (27 Points) but Uruguay had a +1 goal advantage qualifying in 5th spot and earning a playoff against Australia which Uruguay won 3-1 on aggregate to qualify for Korea/Japan 2002. Colombia also had the frustration of the 2006 World Cup qualification where they missed out by 1 point to see Uruguay secure 5th spot again and a playoff against Australia. This time Uruguay stayed with Colombia as Uruguay lost on penalties 4-2 after a 1-1 aggregate.

Congratulations to Chile for qualifying to Brazil in 3rd place.

Congratulations to Ecuador for qualifying to Brazil after the frustration of missing out on the 2010 World Cup by 1 point which secured Uruguay for a playoff against Costa Rica. Uruguay won on aggregate 2-1 to reach South Africa 2010 and come 4th in the tournament, Uruguay’s best result since 1970.

Congratulations to Uruguay for securing 5th spot when it really looked unlikely. Two games away from qualification to Brazil 2014 and because of the win today 3-2 over Argentina, Uruguay will be seeded in Pot 1 which is a fantastic achievement to maintain the FIFA ranking in the top 10 and keep all the Uruguayan’s suffering at the same time.

Gracias Cavani
Gracias Cavani


Uruguay vs Argentina “One of the Oldest”

Uruguay vs Argentina 1928 Olympic Final
Uruguay vs Argentina 1928 Olympic Final

Uruguay and Argentina have a unique football history which started in 1901 when they first played each other. The game was held in Montevideo and Argentina won 3-2 which was both countries first international. This result could have set a precedent for the future however it provided an opportunity to physically, tactically and technically find a way to beat Argentina when the important games came around.

In Uruguay’s history Argentina is very prevalent as we also played them in 1902 to receive our biggest loss in the history of the Uruguayan National team… we lost 6-0 in Montevideo.  Soon however the real games would be played between Uruguay and Argentina…

In 1916 the South American Championship (Copa America) were held in Argentina and was played as a round robin between; Uruguay, Argentina, Brazil and Chile. Uruguay beat Chile 4-0… Argentina beat Chile 6-1…. Uruguay beat Brazil 2-1….. Argentina drew with Brazil 1-1… This left the last game of the round robin between Uruguay and Argentina… The First Final as such. The rest of the story will provide a glimpse of what was going to be seen between two great rivals in international football.

The final was played at the Gimnasia and Esgrima Stadium in Buenos Aires and after only 5 minutes of play the game needed to be abandoned due to a riot within the spectators which then spilled onto the field and the wooden tribunes were torched and the match was ended as the stadium was on fire. The match was re-scheduled to Racing Club Stadium and the result was 0-0 which meant Uruguay were the first South American champions having beaten Brazil and Argentina only managing a draw. Uruguay had won it in Argentina.

This tournament also provided the first opportunity for Uruguay to show just how far ahead they were in relation to racism compared to other countries not only in the region but around the world. The first game that Uruguay played against Chile in the tournament ended with a Uruguayan win but also with an official complaint from Chile regarding Uruguay selecting “Coloured” players. Uruguay fielded Isabelino Gradin and Juan Delgado who were both coloured. The complaint was dismissed by the South American Football Association.

The next South American Championship were played in Uruguay in 1917 and was once again a round robin between Uruguay, Argentina, Brazil and Chile. Uruguay beat Chile 4-0… Argentina beat Chile 1-0… Uruguay beat Brazil 4-0… Argentina beat Brazil 4-2…. So once again we had a final between Uruguay and Argentina however this time a draw would not be enough for either team. Uruguay won 1-0 in Montevideo at the Parque Pereira to win the first two South American Championships. We then went on to beat Argentina in the final in 1920, 1923, 1924, 1926 and 1934. The only final they beat us in the 1920’s was in 1927.

The next time Uruguay was to meet Argentina in a final that wasn’t in the South American Championship was at the 1928 Olympics held in Amsterdam, Netherlands. Argentina defeated Egypt 6-0 and Uruguay beat Italy 3-2 in the Semi Finals. The final was a 1-1 draw between Uruguay and Argentina and a replay was scheduled 3 days later. The second final was won by Uruguay 2-1 over Argentina to be Gold Medal winners and as per FIFA’s announcement before the 1924 Olympic Tournament it would be classed as a World Championship and the winner of the tournament would be world champion. Uruguay won the 1924 and 1928 Olympic Tournaments and was declared World Champion in 1924 and 1928. Once again Uruguay was able to defeat Argentina in a final and be declared world champion and current South American Champion ahead of Argentina.

Then came the World Cup in 1930 and once again Uruguay were to meet Argentina in a final, a World Cup Final. The final was held in Montevideo and the result was Uruguay 4-2 in front of 93,000 fanatical fans. Uruguay were crowned first World Cup Winners of the Jules Rimet Trophy.

Jules Rimet Trophy
Jules Rimet Trophy

Now lets jump to the present. Uruguay has 15 South American Championships, one more than Argentina. Uruguay has two Gold medals in football and so has Argentina. Uruguay has two World Cups and so has Argentina. Argentina is ranked 2nd in the world and Uruguay is 7th in the world. In 2011 Uruguay once again was able to win the Copa America (South American Championship) in Argentina. The World Cup qualification head to head; 2004 Argentina 4-2 Uruguay…… 2005 Uruguay 1-0 Argentina…. 2008 Argentina 2-1 Uruguay…. 2009 Uruguay 0-1 Argentina….. 2012 Argentina 3-0 Uruguay…. 2013 Uruguay vs Argentina ????

What I can see is that Uruguay also gets the result they require depending on the game. I wouldn’t be too concerned about friendly internationals. I wouldn’t be too worried about the World Cup Qualifiers as the above results would show Argentinian superiority however we came 5th in 2005, 2009 and most likely in 2013. Uruguay have won 2 out of 3 play offs and now against Jordan Uruguay would be favourites and this could mean qualifying 3 out of 4 play offs. The objective is to reach the World Cup and then go on to win the World Cup.

Fray Bentos paper mill
Fray Bentos paper mill

The game on Wednesday (Australia time) will have the extra tension due to the recent paper mill dispute that has previously seen the bridge that links Uruguay and Argentina closed by Argentina. The Argentinian Government is not happy that the Uruguayan Government did not consult them over the 10% increase in production. The Argentinians believe that this will cause pollution to the water supply and wants the mill closed down. There had been an agreement in place the previous time (2006) that Argentina took the case to The Hague but the case was rejected by the International Criminal Court and now are not happy that Uruguay is increasing production.

The other interesting fact about the game against Argentina is in relation to the seeding at the World Cup. At the moment Uruguay and the Netherlands are battling for the final seed. If Uruguay beat Argentina they are automatically the last seed with no dependence on the Netherlands game. The Netherlands play Turkey and will be looking for a win to ensure their place as a seed and be allocated in pot 1. So far we have the following countries in pot 1: Brazil; Spain; Argentina; Germany; Italy; Colombia; Belgium. Being in Pot 1 will mean you get to avoid all those countries at the group stage. It’s definitely in Uruguay’s interest to beat Argentina and then go on and beat Jordan in the play off, qualifying for the World Cup and go into pot 1….

Uruguay vs Argentina

Uruguay 5th Spot Specialist


Uruguay have secured 5th spot in the South American World Cup qualifiers. Today’s one nil loss to Ecuador in Quito and Venezuela’s draw with Paraguay in San Cristobal was enough for Uruguay to secure 5th spot. There is a mathematical possibility that Uruguay could qualify directly to the World Cup however firstly this is only dependent on a victory over Argentina in Montevideo. Then it’s all about the result between Chile and Ecuador in Santiago and goal difference. What looks most likely is that Uruguay will end up 5th and play a home and away play off with Jordan.

The game today against Ecuador in the clouds felt much safer with the introduction of the nets to ensure no players fell to their deaths from the 2800 meters above sea level.

Much Safer
Much Safer

Now it’s time to dance Uruguayan style:


Top Secret

Uruguayan fans tomando mate'
Uruguayan fans tomando mate’

I have been preparing for the game against Ecuador and reading quite a few posts, especially the comments being made by the Ecuadorians. What seems to be the constant is the continuous comments stating that both Uruguay and Argentina get preferential treatment. I can understand the Ecuadorians believing this as their history is non existent.  Even when Ecuador do qualify for the World Cup they don’t do too much, they don’t do much at the Copa America, they don’t do much at La Copa Libertadores or the Copa Sudamerica.

If all their concerns were justifiable, then Uruguay would not have the results they have achieved at a world stage. What is very clear is that the altitude assists Ecuador but the question is what assists Uruguay?

Is it the fans?

Is it the stadium?

Is it the Garra Charrua?

Just what is Uruguay’s secret?

In this World Exclusive I divulge highly sensitive information which has been classified Top Secret by the AUF.

Yerba Mate’ as described in Wikipedia: Mate’ is served with a metal straw from a shared hollow calabash gourd and the straw is called a bombilla. Yerba mate leaves are dried, chopped, and ground into a powdery mixture called yerba.

Suarez tomando mate'
Suarez tomando mate’

 The Uruguayan’s and Argentinian’s were the best football teams in the 1920’s which was not too long after the British showed them the game. Sure the Brazilian’s, Paraguayan’s and Chilean’s also drink mate’ but the secret is not only in the drinking but the ritual that is performed. Below is an example of the ritual that the Uruguayan team perform on the pitch before the game:

Tota y Ruso tomando mate'
Tota y Ruso tomando mate’

Just why do we have the best strikers in the world?

Cavani tomando mate'
Cavani tomando mate’
Luis Suarez Drinking Mate'
Luis Suarez Drinking Mate’
Luis Suarez Best Player at the Copa America 2011
Luis Suarez Best Player at the Copa America 2011
Diego Forlan Best Player at the 2010 World Cup
Diego Forlan Best Player at the 2010 World Cup
Coates Best Young Player at the Copa America 2011
Coates Best Young Player at the Copa America 2011

Lets look at some players that are recognised as the best ever:

Maradona tomando mate'
Maradona tomando mate’
Messi tomando mate'
Messi tomando mate’

Now lets look at some more Mate’ drinkers: 

Pepe Mujica tomando mate'
Pepe Mujica tomando mate’
Pope tomando mate'
Pope tomando mate’
Che tomando mate'
Che tomando mate’
Einstein tomando mate'
Einstein tomando mate’

I know a lot of Uruguayan’s wont be happy with this information being released so close to the game. I just wanted to assure all the people in Ecuador that the result is not dependent on cheating, fixed referees, conspiracies or bribery of any kind. Uruguay have players that Ecuador could only dream of, players playing in the best leagues in the world. Uruguay can not only play at altitude but at sea level, our players have won awards from being the best player at a World Cup, best player at a Copa America, best young player at a Copa America to leading goal scorer in Italy and Spain. This is what Ecuador is playing against, even our coach has coached at the highest level. When was the last time a coach from Ecuador was in charge of AC Milan?

I’m not going to go into the traditional ritual that is performed by La Celeste, only to say that it’s going to be a hard game with chances for both sides. The difference could well be the altitude but I won’t complain too much about that. What I will say is that our Captain is ready to continue the tradition and is in charge of the ritual. He is the Captain and will lead the way with La Garra Charrua and sights on automatic qualification to Brazil.

Lugano tomando mate'
Lugano tomando mate’

The crazy one won’t be there but the spirit from all previous campaigns will.

Loco tomando mate'
Loco tomando mate’

It is with the people

Portable mate'
Portable mate’

and the spirit in the Shirt:

La Celeste
La Celeste

Kanguro Soccer

Football Australia Best Player of All Time
Football Australia Best Player of All Time
Harry Kewell

The above picture is of Harry Kewell after the 1997 (2-2) draw to Iran in Melbourne in the World Cup Qualifier for France 1998. Australia had a 1-1 draw in Iran and did not qualify to France 1998 on the away goal rule. Both Iran and Australia ended up 3-3 on aggregate however Iran scored two away goals which sent them to France.

The following qualification campaign play off was against Uruguay. Australia won the first game in Melbourne 1-0 thanks to a Muscat penalty and then Australia lost 3-0 to Uruguay in Montevideo to once again not qualify for the 2002 Korea/Japan World Cup.

Australia had not qualified to the World Cup since 1974 and once again ended up having to qualify via a play off with Uruguay. The first game was in Montevideo and Uruguay won 1-0. The second game was played at Stadium Australia and Australia won the game 1-0 and as the aggregate was 1-1 the game went into extra time. Still 1-1 after extra time the game went into a  penalty shootout which Australia won 4-2 to make the Germany 2006 World Cup after a 32 year absence.

For the 2010 South Africa World Cup Australia was now in the Asian Confederation and qualified first in the group who had Japan (Qualified 2nd), Bahrain, Qatar and Uzbekistan.

Now for the 2014 Brazil World Cup Australia (24th in the World) will play against Iran (48th in the World) and Iraq (84th in the World). The games will be played at the same stadium that Australia beat Uruguay to qualify for the 2006 Germany World Cup. I can understand the Football Federation using this marketing strategy as it was the greatest Australian Soccer moment. In reality there is no way you can compare Uruguay (4th in the World) to the games that Australia will play. Australia being in Asia has actually made it far more simpler to qualify for the World Cup and has made it difficult to have anybody too excited about the upcoming games. Now you have Brett Emerton offering all sorts of discounts in the hope that the stadium will be full. The reality Brett is there no comparison to the Uruguay game but I wish you all the luck in the world.

The other issue I have with the FFA (Football Federation Australia) is the current administration selection. First we had a Rugby Union man, next an AFL man and now a Rugby League man. These codes are not only learning from the inside how FIFA work but are infiltrating our game with no real benefits to Football Australia. Look at the current mess with the Western Sydney Wanderers from wanting to cover up the Legendary Ray Price Statute at Parramatta Park to bringing the team into the league in a hurry to offset the Greater Western Sydney Giants AFL team.

All the FFA considers is whether there are any ethnic connections to a team. When you look at the current teams that established football in Australia it was only a few that caused issues. One team I can think of that never had any issues would be Marconi in Sydney’s west. Lets look at that team. Marconi have their own Stadium, their own Club, their own training facilities, their own parking. The FFA will say but they have the Italian colours? Italian fans? However when I look at the current A League teams they seem to be very United Kingdom in their fan base which is one of the reasons I have not renewed my Sydney FC membership. I don’t feel in any way part of Sydney FC as they have slowly distanced themselves from my support. Only now that they have competition from the West have they started offering better membership packs and offers.

Once again administrative Football in Australia works on reactive plays and not pro-active plays. FFA you don’t need to fear any of the other football codes. Rugby League, AFL, Union and Cricket will always be the number one sports in Australia. You need to respect these sports and focus only on Football. Legends like Ray Price should be respected as they represent a time when many respected Rugby League and I believe it was the best time for Rugby League before the Super League destroyed the game. No FEAR FFA as football will always BE.

Ray Price Statue
Ray Price Statue

United Kingdom in Denial

Sir Alex Ferguson

The England National football team is the joint oldest in the world; it was formed at the same time as the Scotland National football team. A representative match between England and Scotland was played on the 5th of March 1870, having been organised by the Football Association. Now I’m no expert when it comes to the United Kingdom and will focus mainly on some statistics which are quite interesting to me. 

I’ll start with Sir Alex Ferguson who was 12 years old in 1954 when Uruguay beat Scotland 7-0 at the World Cup which was the worst defeat by Scotland ever. Then there was the game on the 13th of June 1986 in Nezahualcoyotl, a suburb of Mexico City for the World Cup. Scotland needed to win to progress to the next round of 16 and Uruguay just needed a draw. Sir Alex was coach of Scotland and Uruguay had a reputation for being a physical team. The end result was 0-0 with Uruguay playing with 10 men after the quickest red card to date at any World Cup game, as it took the French referee Joel Quiniou 56 seconds to show the red card to Jose Batista (Uruguay).

The hot head Ferguson chewing gum, his face flushed with anger (or could have been the alcohol?), told reporters at the press conference after the game that the Uruguayan players were a disgrace to football (a word also used to attack Suarez 25 years later), and went even further with the phrase: “What else could be expected of players from that cursed nation !” However, Ferguson was not sanctioned by FIFA for that outburst. Is it possible for the Scot with a title awarded by the British Crown capable of such grievances against a whole nation?

For those that are too young to remember below is the footage of the 0-0 draw and another interview with some of the Scotland players. Gordon Strachan clearly states that Scotland were just not good enough!!!!

Sure you could say that Scotland have a small population of 5.2 million and that could easily explain why they have never got passed the first round in the World Cup and why they have never got passed the last 8 in the European Championship. Now look at Uruguay with a population of 3.2 million who have the following record; 2 Gold Medals at the Olympics; 2 World Cups; record 15 Copa Americas!

The United Kingdom are in crisis as England with only “One World Cup” to their name have just lost Fabio Capello as coach who had a 66.7% win rate, which no other coach in the history of the England Football National team can beat. (Not even Sir Alf Ramsey can beat Capello’s record).

Another Italian is in charge of the Republic of Ireland, who if not for a Henry handball nearly got them to the 2010 World Cup. Giovanni Trapattoni has a 42% win rate which is nothing to sneeze at. Not bad for a team that suffered it’s worst loss in it’s history in 1982 going down to Brazil 7-0.

I wont even discuss Wales who have only qualified for one world cup in 1958 and made it to the quarter finals and have never qualified for the European Championships. I also apologise in advance if I have left any countries out that should be included in the United Kingdom but I’m sure their record is dreadful anyway!!!

England now have a caretaker coach of Stuart Pearce who has started with a 0% win rate! The English FA is still to appoint a National Coach with the European Championships just around the corner. England will be facing France, Sweden and Ukraine; while the Republic of Ireland will be facing Spain, Italy and Croatia.

Scotland did not qualify for the European Championships and its no wonder why Sir Alex Ferguson in his rage would want to attack Luis Suarez, a football player from Uruguay. Just like the way he treated Diego Forlan, Sir Alex continues with his depression with his National Team of Scotland. Really it’s enough for anyone to start drinking!!!

El Maestro

Boycott FIFA

I finally have found something to talk about as the 2018 and 2022 World Cup decisions have hit a raw nerve.  Back in the 1930’s most of the Europeans didn’t show up for the 1930 World Cup, just like most of the South Americans didn’t show up for the 1934 World Cup.

FIFA has tested my patience for the last time and the only way for a change is to remove FIFA. I urge as many countries as possible to boycott both the 2018 and 2022 FIFA World Cups. The time has come for action and a new Football Federation is created. Then it will be for the good of the game.

I certainly don’t want Uruguay/Argentina 2030 (100 Years) to spend all that money preparing only to be out voted by a bunch of highly corrupt people. That money can be better spent, just like Australia could have spent their 42 Million on something more constructive instead of a FIFA Diploma for their presentation.

The time has come for a change.

6 Days: Time to Pack


Se viene Uruguay


The Uruguayan squad are packing their bags ready for South Africa as we speak. Travel documents have been organised, accommodation is all worked out. A few tonne of Yerba is being loaded on the plane with tactics worked out, the Pilsen crates have also boarded. 

The latest news on hand “ESPN says: Uruguay triple world champion!”  Through a system called The Eliminator, the journalist Damian DiDonato concluded, and so published on the website that the Celeste will lift the cup on 11 July. Finally someone agrees with my prediction.  

The only issue I have with Mr DiDonato is that Uruguay would become 5 Time World Champion. I know it’s a long time ago and the whole world was in black and white but FIFA advised that the 1924 Olympic Football Tournament Winner would be crowned World Champions. The same for 1928 which were both won by Uruguay and why we have the extra two stars on our shirt. The stars don’t represent World Cup wins however represent becoming World Champions. I forgive him though for putting Uruguay in the headlines. 

With the news that Uruguay are packing their bags, I have decided to start packing myself. First on the list is a parachute. 



Next is the Gas Mask: 


Followed by my South African Survival Kit: 



Vamos Uruguay Carajo!!!!

36 Days: Time to Start Praying


Time to Pray
Time to Pray

Last night I got together with my astrologer, numerologist, tarot card reader, rocket scientist and psychic. We asked the Universal Question: “Will Uruguay win the World Cup 2010?”

We set up the Tarot cards and selected the following card:


We looked at the alignment of the Planets and Galaxies and Moons:

The Rocket Scientist advised what the magnetic pull will do to the Uruguayan Players and Tactics:

The Numerologist came up with the following numbers:

1 9 2 4 1 9 2 8 1 9 3 0 1 9 5 0  

The Psychic was able to become possessed with Obdulio Varela and began talking in a pure Uruguayan accent from the 1950’s:


Obdulio Varela
Obdulio Varela


When we then gathered the data from all our experts the answer to the question was quite simple:

Time To Start Praying


41 Days: Sienzuf Presents




Looks like Suarez is over the moon to hear that I have decided to start a “Sienzuf Presents” series. I start with a video I have put together with audio I received some 31 years ago. 

Back when the whole world was in black and white I received a cassette with the full commentary of the 1950 World Cup Final by the famous Carlos Sole. I have located some footage of the 1950 final and added the commentary by Carlos Sole with a few extras. 




Cassette Tape
Cassette Tape



130 Days: Sky Blue Statistics






FIFA World Cup™ 

Winner (1930, 1950)
Fourth (1954, 1970)


FIFA World Cup™ appearances 

(1930, 1950, 1954, 1962, 1966, 1970, 1974, 1986, 1990, 2002) 


Continental titles 

Copa America (1916, 1917, 1920, 1923, 1924, 1926, 1935, 1942, 1956, 1959 (unofficial), 1967, 1983, 1987, 1995)

Copa America (1919, 1927, 1939, 1941, 1989, 1999)

Best Results

Olympic Football Tournament Final (1924, 1928)

FIFA U-20 World Cup Final (1997), FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup Final (2006)

FIFA U-20 World Cup Final (1979), FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup Final (2007)

FIFA U-20 World Cup Final (1977, 1999), FIFA Confederations Cup (1997), FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup Final (2009)